


oh to be young, dumb, and in love

by drunkoncoffee



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x09 Coda, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Dorks, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Season/Series 15, Season/Series 15 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:42:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24260785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drunkoncoffee/pseuds/drunkoncoffee
Summary: “Okay Cas, I need to say something-”“You don’t have to say it; I heard your prayer.”***Something in Dean’s mind rattled since they got back from Purgatory. Something unsettling and unstable buzzed around as the wheels in his mind slowly turned.15x09 coda
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 12
Kudos: 157





	oh to be young, dumb, and in love

_“Okay Cas, I need to say something-”_

_“You don’t have to say it; I heard your prayer.”_

***

Something in Dean’s mind rattled since they got back from Purgatory. Something unsettling and unstable buzzed around as the wheels in his mind slowly turned.

He and Cas were good now; all miscommunications and harsh words forgiven or forgotten. Their fight hadn’t been like any one they’d had before, yet everything returned to normal like it always did after their various disputes. Words were shut away in drawers and reassuring pats on the shoulder were exchanged. They were back: back to how things were, back to their usual dynamic, back to Cas and Dean.

But something about it all made Dean tick. He hated how it was between them. All of those awful, cruel words he said to Cas still screamed from the darkest corners of his mind when he closed his eyes.

_“Something went wrong. You know this. Something always goes wrong.”_

_“Yeah, why does that something always seem to be you?”_

They made Dean cringe, barely recognising the man who said them, yet knowing him all too well just the same. Words of hurt and betrayal and unjustified anger towards Cas; all the trademarks of a man who Dean swore he would never become. He couldn’t bear to think of Cas’ face when he said those words, couldn’t bear to remember the sound of Cas’ voice when he said he had no one. Couldn’t bear to think about when the bunker’s door shut behind him, echoing through the empty room for what seemed like years as the sound rang in Dean’s ears. 

Dean hadn’t known how to act around him after that when Cas returned to the bunker. His words hung heavy in the air wherever they stood and Dean could feel Cas determinedly avoiding looking in his direction. And it killed Dean. It killed him to know that he caused this rift between them and that his stubbornness was the reason things couldn’t go back to normal. They just couldn’t.

But they had. He hadn’t expected his prayer to Cas to rectify everything he’d done, - hell, he didn’t think he could make up for that ever.  
But Purgatory brought back things Dean had never wanted to remember, and losing Cas there, - _again_ ; it pushed something to the surface that Dean had been so desperately trying to hide. All the raw emotions forced him on his knees, tears in his eyes as he prayed. 

_“I should've stopped you.”_

All the words he wanted to say, yet those four burst through, desperate to show Cas he knew he had been wrong. Desperate for Cas to know that Dean hadn’t wanted him to go; he never did. And even as he fell to his knees, tears rolling down his face and his jaw clenched; even as he poured out his heart and apologies, seeking forgiveness. Even then, all Dean was trying to say were three words he couldn’t get out.  
He needed Cas to know; he couldn't lose him without letting him know dammit. But admitting those words in a place where he thought he had lost him forever; Dean couldn’t say them. The idea of not knowing if Cas had heard them hurt him more than never admitting them. He promised himself that he would see Cas again, - _he would_. And when he did, Dean would tell him in every way possible how much that damn angel meant to him. 

Which is what he tried to do. The shock of seeing Cas alive had almost made Dean go back on his promise to himself, almost convincing himself that it would be better to leave his words unsaid. Yet, unlike before where he easily repressed these thoughts and desires, something had changed in Dean, and he knew he couldn’t let this lie. He had to tell him. Cas deserved it; _he_ deserved it.

What he had not been expecting, however, was for Cas to cut in and tell him that he needn’t say anything; that he had heard his prayer. And Dean, with the wind knocked out of his sails completely, allowed it to slide. Allowed himself to pretend to Cas that he hadn’t been about to say more.  
When they arrived back from Purgatory, Dean had told himself it was for the best. Perhaps he was mistaken and those words were better left buried under years of ignorance and repression. Perhaps the timing was wrong and he had missed his opportunity to tell Cas what he so desperately wanted to say. Perhaps -

But now, Dean was standing in the doorway of the bunker’s kitchen, frozen in place, as he watched where Cas sat at the table, studying some book of lore.  
He didn’t even know where to begin; what to say, if he should say it. His moment of bravery that had managed to get him to the doorway had long vanished, leaving Dean reeling in fear and dread. His head was spinning with doubts and his heart was beating so loudly he swore he could hear it echoing through the bunker. 

“I had something else to tell you.”

His low voice in the silence caused Cas to raise his head from the book. Dean noticed that his hair was slightly mussed from the way he messed with it when he read, his eyes drifting over the details of the angel's face. He looked tired but more relaxed than he had been in so long; _too long_. He raised an eyebrow at Dean.

“I didn’t get to say everything in my prayer to you,” Dean rushed out before Cas could speak. He lowered his eyes slightly from Cas’ intense stare, instead preferring to stare at the tiles of the kitchen floor. He let out a shaky breath and took a step into the kitchen, keeping his eyes trained on the ground. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Cas put his book down on the table and turn to Dean; a clear indication of his full attention.

Dean cleared his throat, trying desperately to both force words down that threatened to spill out, and choke out something vaguely coherent. He scuffed the floor with his shoe, his fists clenched in frustration at his sides. 

“I, uh, I - I had something I should have said, - something I _wanted_ to to say and -”

“Dean, you really don’t have to say anything, it’s okay,” Cas began, his tone soft and placating. And Dean knew he was giving him an out. He knew Cas was letting him know that he could walk away right now and that they could go back to _Not Talking_ about it. But Dean had come this far, and he’d be damned if he wasn’t gonna say these words.

“No Cas, it’s not okay.” He scrubbed his hand over his face roughly, so frustrated with himself for being so inarticulate. “Because this is something I’ve felt, and wanted to tell you, for too damn long so just-.” He broke off again to control his breathing.

Cas stepped forward to place a hand on his arm comfortingly. It lay warm and heavy on Dean, making his breath hitch. He raised his head, his eyes staring at the angel before him. Blue eyes of familiarity and comfort stared back at him, and Dean found himself, - unsurprisingly-, lost for words again. His tongue darted out to wet his lips, as he prepared himself to finally speak, when he saw Cas’ gaze hone in on the action for a second, before making contact with Dean once more. And that was all the encouragement Dean needed.  
He grabbed Cas’ elbow and pulled him close into his space, eliciting a sound of surprise from the other man before Dean pressed his lips to his. Cas stiffened for a moment before he relaxed into Dean’s arms, letting out a small sigh as he pressed closer. Dean’s hand moved to Cas’ waist, gripping it tight, while Cas’ hands fisted in Dean’s shirt, pulling them impossibly closer. Dean’s other hand raised to Cas’ face, cupping it gently as his fingers grazed lightly over the stubble on the angel’s cheek. 

Feeling Cas’ lips against his own. The way Cas would pull on his bottom lip with his teeth. And when one of Cas’ hands found its way to Dean’s hair and _tugged_ , - Dean will swear he didn’t whimper. Cas crowded him back against the table, pressing his body impossibly closer to Dean’s in the process. And when they pulled apart briefly due to a lack of oxygen, Dean could barely contain his groan as Cas ducked his head to press a kiss to the pulse point under his jaw. Dean clutched at his waist tighter and let his head fall back, giving Cas full permission to take advantage of the expanse of his throat. 

It was at this point, however, that the adrenaline from his earlier bravery began to wear off, and all too soon Dean became aware of what he was doing; and his brain short-circuited. While he was all too happy about how this situation had progressed, - really, he couldn’t complain -, it began to dawn on him that he had absolutely failed in his mission to tell the damn angel how he felt. It was all very well to get hot-n-heavy in the kitchen, but Dean had been hoping that his long-due confession would precede it.  
He tried desperately to organise his thoughts and put them into words, but it was becoming increasingly more difficult with an angel slotted against him. An angel, who had very quickly and happily dived into this new aspect of their relationship, his mouth leaving hot trails all over Dean’s jaw and throat. And with each new graze of Cas’ teeth on his skin, Dean’s thoughts became more blurred and less coherent.

Eventually, Dean managed to gain enough brainpower to separate himself from Cas. They both stood, breathing heavily and still crowded in each other’s space. As his breathing slowed, Dean raised his head slightly to look at Cas, who returned his gaze for a moment, before he lowered his eyes, a steady blush creeping over his face. Dean let out a huff of laughter at the sudden bashfulness of the angel that was nowhere to be seen a moment before. He raised both hands to frame Cas’ face, forcing him to look into Dean’s eyes. The vulnerability and apprehension in Cas’ expression was clear, causing Dean’s heart to ache. He raised himself up slightly and pressed a kiss to Cas’ forehead, leaving his lips linger on the angel’s skin for a moment. When he lowered himself again, he found Cas gazing at him with such intensity that his breath caught in his throat. All of the affection and tenderness he felt for Cas was mirrored in the eyes staring back at him.  
He opened his mouth to speak, only to be left without words again, his mouth left open as evidence of his futile attempt. Cas chuckled affectionately at this, his head leaning forward to rest against Dean’s, who let out a begrudging laugh at his own inability to articulate himself. A moment passed between them, their breaths together and their hearts racing.

“You know I love you, right?”

Dean’s words hung heavy in the air, like so many others of his had. Yet these bore a different weight. The weight of eleven years of friendship, of learning to trust. The weight of acceptance of what they meant to each other. The weight of knowing that they deserved this, that they were allowed to be happy. Six words that caused him so much turmoil and anxiety, that left his mind blank every time he tried to speak. Their weight was lifted from Dean’s shoulders to be placed in the air between them, just within Cas’ reach, if he wished to take them.

He heard Cas’ breath hitch for a moment. He saw the myriad of emotions colour Cas’ face; shock, joy, _love_. His eyes shone as tears threatened to spill, his mouth stretching into a soft grin that Dean couldn’t help but return. Cas brought his hands up and covered Dean’s with his own.

“Yes Dean.” Cas’ voice was lower than usual, but laced with such fondness that made Dean’s heart swell. “And I love you too.”

Dean hardly waited for the words to leave his mouth before he crushed his lips against Cas’. He poured all of his love and passion into the kiss, hoping to convey all of the words he hadn’t said, but would one day manage to. All of the pent up emotion and feeling that had been held inside of him for too damn long. With every tilt of his head, every press of his lips, he told Cas he loved him.  
Dean’s hands twisted in Cas’ hair, sure to leave it in such a state of upheaval that would be a permanent reminder of this moment. Cas’ hands had left Dean’s and rested on his waist, holding him so close against his body that Dean could feel his skin burn from the contact. His mind and body were on fire, so overwhelmed by the feeling of Cas against him after waiting for it for so long. 

They barely separated as they stumbled out of the kitchen and down the corridor to Dean’s room, stopping every few steps to press each other against the wall and letting their hands explore new territories. Dean kicked the door shut behind them when they finally made it inside his room, the sound echoing through the bunker, along with soft laughter and sweet nothings whispered from behind the door.

**Author's Note:**

> my first attempt at fluff / not majorly depressing stuff - we'll see how it goes
> 
> leave kudos & comment if you enjoy Xx


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